:/

其实有没有人知道？

为什么我会突然那么急着找工作？

之前一直说不要那么快做工的我

究竟发什么神经

之前口中说的那些梦想

现在管不了了

去英国念书？去美国打工度假？

之前一直说服爸妈让我去

现在根本不去提了

对，我考试不及格

真的觉得自己很差劲

没资格拥有这些

想要弥补我的失败

所以才拼命找工作

真的很对不起我的家人

他们一定很失望

这终究不是我要的生活

可能会过得很不快乐

可是也没差

反正现在生活也没有多好

想要的都得不到

想要的都离我越来越远

可能我之前真的没有去珍惜身边的一切

或许是报应吧

算了

无话可说

无能为力

无奈

好无奈

发生了这一切一切，我真的没有办法开心起来，我以为 我可以。这就是我最大的弱点，总是很看得起自己。结果，现在呢？终于知道有多难受。完全失去方向。想要的，没有了。努力争取的，也失去了。很想要逃避，什么都不管！

Found this post saved as draft. I wonder why I didn't post it out last time.


It feels really good to have someone to back you up.
Day or night, rain or shine, no matter what, without questioning you.
I feel very touched when my friends are willing to spend time cheering me up.
Even when I have doubt on myself and even when I lose faith in myself. Friends, will always be there.


Yes, of course I know.
Friends backstab.
I have heard too many backstabbing stories.



And friends may leave.
Just like any other relationship in the world, friendships need effort and time to maintain.
Friendships are not meant to be forever.


Yet,
Friends will not leave me alone.
Friends are invaluable.


It is time like this that I feel friends are extremely important. I know I tend to leave out my friends a lot when I am in a relationship (used-to-be). Anyway, I start to realize that relationship doesn't last. No matter how hard you try, things are just going to happen how it was meant to be. You can't control. I thought of revenging although I know it is silly. I just think that I don't deserve to be treated like this. Is this a cycle? Someone hurt you, you hurt someone else and then it comes back again.
After such a long time, after I've decided to let go, you decided to do this to me. Are you insane or am I the one? I hope I can hate you, but I can't. This will stay in me forever and one day I will wake up. Am I going to be like the character in the drama I watched recently? Haunted by hate and the heart to revenge for the rest of my life?
I'm really tired and I just want to put this to an end but I wasn't allowed to. I wonder why I don't have the right to solve my own problems.

Cheers!

Okay, too much negativity here. Cheer up, Jinn!

Let's have some happy flashbacks :D Graduation trip with the Special Ones. We actually call ourselves Special One because we are in Group 1 for Advanced Diploma and this group consists of some other human from my Diploma group mates. A very very special combination <3

In the car, on the way to Penang 

Exploring the newly build Penang 2nd Bridge. YOLO! We just have to stop by and have some photo shooting. I guess it's illegal to stop there. 

The bungalow we stayed in. Chandelier! Macam yes..haha

 Went up to Penang Hill. The view up there is really nice. Oh ya, we love going up in the evening for the night view :) and the ticket is half price after 7pm.

The must-have drinking+board game+singing+chitchat session. Our tradition :D

The next day, Escape Adventure Park. My first time here, it's actually quite cool. Managed to conquer Level 3 but suffered from a terrible muscle pain and sunburn.

Stucked here for a very long time but it was awesome! 

Before jumping down from the 20m high platform

No idea what theme is this LOL

The girls :)

A group photo to end this post. Heart them all 

:/

Flashing back the memories, it's like the worst nightmare I've ever had. This nightmare haunted me for the entire night. I will just take it as a life lesson. Whatever I've been through, it's just going to make me a better person. I won't blame it to anyone. Somehow I've contributed to this, I allowed myself to be hurt.
Things are going to be different though. I know what I want and I will work jars to achieve it. Knowing that it is not going to be easy, I am confident that I can overcome this.
I know I've got to be strong. I like the way people describe me as the petite yet tough girl. I'm gonna prove that I am one.

I can do it :)

?

I don't understand.

Whatever you did to me, I seriously don't understand what's the intention. If you intend to break me up, you are actually succeeding. I have to admit. It really hurts. Why do you have to lead this situation into such an extreme? Why can't everything be solved through compromising? I am really impressed with your skills. Are those words really from your mouth? Or did you keep practicing for these few days and that's why you didn't reply me? Don't you know that whatever you are doing just leave me with more and more question marks in my mind? If you ever read this, I want you to know that I'm really depressed. I can't stand it anymore. I wish I can just ignore everything but I can't. You knew what I was going through yet you still do this to me. I don't expect any words of comfort from you but I didn't expect you to make me feel worse either! Is it really necessary for you to be so cruel to me? I feel so dizzy now, I really don't understand.

What else?
Result..accident..and this..what else?

I hope I can stay strong.